GOOD NEWS

I thought I would give you some good news.

We had a scan yesterday and mom's tumor has been reduced by an additional third!

Which puts us at a total of 60 to 70% reduction from where we started just 4 months ago. It also puts us (in Dr Natale's words) "in an elite group" of cancer patients who see that kind of improvement in such a short amount of time.

So mom still feels like shit- but at least now she has a smile on her face.

Mom is suffering to be sure, neck pain, headaches, a new jaw pain, muscle aches, she has lost still yet another few pounds... but the cancer is dying, and she will one day in the next few months be cancer free.

And that is really something to marvel at, and something to be profoundly grateful for. Because with the help of serious ass-kicking legalized poison-like medicine, and the overwhelming support of family and friends you can survive this thing called cancer.

Mom and I were talking yesterday after we got the news, and we were thinking about all the people that have helped us over the last few months, and taken that extra step to come visit, or make food, to pack or lift boxes, or to organize mom's sock drawer, or simply just come by with peaches from time to time.... and the list is pretty magnificent.

We wanted to take a second and share it with you.

Firstly Lois, mom's sister, has flown out from New Jersey not once but twice now, to feed and move and care for all of us, to clean up after us and teach us all how to be a nurse. Last week while she was here her son TJ came to help with the move. Angela Foster came out for a week and took extra special care of us, giving both dad and I a well needed chance to nap. Missy Thorne came all the way from Washington DC, Lorraine Shirkus flew in from San Antonio Texas, Missy Greis came twice from Salt Lake City Utah (and is coming again this weekend!!), Paul Rubin Came in from New York, as did Brad and Alex Davis, Jerry Foster came from Aspen, and Dede Brinkman brought the Sheriff of Aspen Mr Bob Braudis twice to sit bedside.

Then there are the people who come every week. Gracie (Laura Donnelley to ya'll) has been a marvel, she has fed us at least twice a week since april. She has come to visit weekly, she has been such a dear friend. Maude Feil comes a least once a week to bring fresh peaches for mom's protein shake, and sits with her and went to the store and bought her smaller clothes for her new little body. Brad Miller and Millie Favor come by weekly and cook for mom and they hang art in our new house and Mollie sits with mom and talks for hours, and Brad takes dad to see 'guy movies' like Die Hard 4. Pam and Judy have cooked and organized food deliveries. The feast we had on moving day was unreal... Pam has cooked so much, so often for us, we now all have favorite dishes of hers... Gail and Neil come by weekly with Gail's incredible broccoli soup, and they give mom foot massages, and when they went out of town they bought us 5 sessions with a masseuse that comes to the house! Mimi and Santiago cooked dinner for us until poor mimi got so pregnant she could hardly stand! (just joking mimi- you stand just fine) Elizabeth Ragagli comes by all the time with chicken soup and new articles about neck stiffness and neck pillows and sits with mom and with her and tells her tales of work and her travels. Emily Foster comes by with fresh fruit and veggies and flowers from the farmers market and her sweet daughter Sabine who puts such a smile on moms face.

Then there was the move. Vicki and Tiff and Joren and Lorraine and Arne and Gail who came and helped pack. Tiff came back with Arne and lifted god damn couches down stairs. Brian Teravella and Kagen moved box after box... Hugo came and packed up moms most precious lamp, Jenny, Tamar, Nikky and Elizabeth folded linens and made little pretty stacks of underwear and sox, made the bathroom pretty and erected shrines to expired cats and dogs.... Damaris, Lois, Nikky and I sorted and resorted to make all that shit fit in the kitchen. Brad and Mollie hung art, Tate drove the truck and lifted so many boxes and so much furniture I thought he would break, Carter set up the TV's and the internet, dad organized the garage and did his best to stay sane, and in two days we were out of one house and into another like the previous one never existed.

And still. Still we check the mail and letters still come. Mary Rowen sent mom a letter every single day for weeks. Jody calls and send boxes of treasures. Dede and Missy and little Grace send care package after care package- with scarves and Pajamas and treasures abound. Bob and Marcy sent a pillow very early on- who knew it would be the one pillow mom takes everywhere- her constant source of comfort- just the right fit. The other day we got a picture on dads phone- Carl had taken a picture of moms precious hydrangeas in colorado... just to prove they are growing so so strong.

And the survivors, Katie Asche, Judi Goldfader, Missy Thorne, Jenny Lass, Hillary White. These incredible women who come and sit bed side and tell mom that they know what she is going thru. That she will recover, she will grow strong, and that one day, she will be the one giving the chemo advice, not needing it.

And there are more- so many people in town, stopping by, Zoe and Aneal and Jamie and jesus the list goes on and on. Adir who is making a wig for mom... Dayle who came to the house to give her a facial, Jackie the manicurist who comes to the house, Suzy who gives her rakie....

it's just

amazing.

I cant name everyone.

You've humored me enough... This can't be interesting reading... I'm sure at this point you've already skipped to the bottom or your reading franticly thinking where the fuck is my name? And to that point I should thank YOU- the one person I inevitably forgot in the aforementioned list. (Cuz you know I forgot someone...)

It's just pretty amazing all of this.

I mean, don't get me wrong- this sucks. This sucks BIG TIME. But the support is amazing.

I can't wait till it's all over. Till her neck is healed and she is hiking up some colorado mountain with her dog and her friends...

There's a long way to go, and no one knows it better than her. My poor mom, the mistress of the bad day, the cancer warrior.

Alas.

Till next time we will,

as always

remain

Team Carter.

took this picture a few weeks ago- but here are some of the cards we've received....

CHANGE OF ADDRESS

well the move is on.

we move tomorrow. 5000 sq feet down to 1800. We've sold a bunch of stuff (yea e-bay)

we have the makings for the best garage sale ever (next Sat the 14th at the new house for those of you looking to score good shit).

We have an army of people coming to help this weekend.

Tate, Lois and Dad and I have moved things all week (with some help- go Brian and Tiphany) the pantry, closets, office stuff ect. The furniture goes tomorrow.

At this moment I am sitting here enjoying some quiet. The sun is behind a little cloud cover which is finally cooling things down (it's been like an indian sweat lodge around here lately). Mom and Dad are at physical therapy. Tate is off picking up the moving truck. Lois is showering, The dog is napping at my feet. I am in the one room in the house that still feels normal. We have left the art up, the phone plugged in, the lamps on the table, so as to maintain a sense of home in all the moving rubble.

But once I am done here, I will stand up and begin dismantling this room too.

I should say that mom is having a good week. Her neck is still sore and she still feels weak, but the chemo effects have worn off and she has had some good days, and will probably continue to until she goes in for her third round of toxic sludge. The first few days after are really tough on her- but by the second week she is loads better. Her hair is holding strong- falling out slightly- but her italian roots are hanging tough- cancer shouldn't try to fuck with an hairy italian broad.

And now I have to report some sad news.

They say the world never gives you more than you can take... which I guess means we must be a pretty tough bunch, because this morning our cat, Putti died.

Oh my god- it's really so sad and yet it makes me laugh. The whole thing is so ridiculous- it's just absurd. She went in her sleep, and in a way, made things easier for us all. She had been quite ill for sometime, and when we moved her favorite chair out of the pantry I think she took it as a sign to go. Loosing her chair perhaps made her loose her will to live. She slipped out quietly this morning at the foot of the bed with dad still in it.

And so.

We pack. We call the cat cremation place. We move. We have a 4th of July BBQ.... and mom takes her tarceva.

And even though it all sucks- it's all fine too.

We band together and kick some ass.

And thats kind how it is now.

Cuz we sure as hell cant get out of it- so we man up and do it.

And we remain,

endlessly

Team Carter

GREETINGS FROM CHEMO LAND

welcome to the land of good days and bad, weight loss and weakness, overall fatigue and generally feeling like total ass. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Alas.

The first round of chemo was definitely full of ups and downs. It has been three weeks since out first intravenous chemotherapy and on monday we go in for round two. The doctor expects we will have a 4 total with 3 week intervals.

Chemo in and of itself was not really that bad. Its all the other shit that made the last 3 weeks tough. Firstly, mom spiked a fever the second day in. 102.9 which is high, so we called the Cedars Cancer Center (where she is being treated) and they told us to bring her in. We were there for 6 hours (till 1am that evening...). they feared she might have an infection so they made us go back every day for 5 days in a row to get an intravenous antibiotic. She didn't have nausea, she wasn't sick or too shitty- but the antibiotic was a total ass chap. She felt terrible before we even left the hospital. And 5 days in a row feeling fine and then taking the antibiotic and feeling like shit- it was pretty obvious that it was the antibiotic that was the cause. But once that was over- things started to look up. She was feeling better and the side effects were waning.

We went and saw Dr Natale, our medical oncologist, who recommended we see a neck/ bone specialist for the persistent pain in her neck. It is now apparent to us that the cancer is under control, being treated and hopefully very soon will be a part of our past. What is also becoming fairly obvious to us is that her neck is not. The pain in her neck, albeit better than 2 months ago, is still very much present and still quite debilitating. It is the reason she stays in bed, it is the reason she takes pain killers, it is the reason she has bad days.

This fucking bad neck.

So began "the Neck doctor escapade" that has taken up much of our days in the last few weeks. We saw the orthopedist who couldn't open our mri and ct files on two separate cds, on two separate occasions and kept us waiting for almost 6 hours combined between two visits. We finally gave up on him. We went back to our Radiation Oncologist who took sympathy and wrote a prescription for Physical Therapy for mom, but she can't get into see her therapist until early July. Then there was the spinal specialist who wants to give my mom an operation to stabilize her neck.

To which she replied, "oh man, I don't want a fucking operation." the doctor at that point asked if she was from New York. Of course he did.

The one thing we have figured out is that this neck problem is no joke, and isn't going to just go away. And that's a pretty hard one to swallow. Who knew cancer would be the easier thing to treat?

And thru all this is my mom, in so much pain and trying so hard to keep it together. She is weak and feels like hell most days. For most of you, it would blow your mind to see her like this, as it blows mine. This vital, strong, potent, taking names and kicking ass woman is so frail, and so weak, it's disarming to see. And there she is, being driven and schlepped from doctor to doctor, each more confusing than the next. All making her wait for hours- assuming their time is more important than hers. Infuriating. We all hate to wait for doctors, but when it hurts to simply sit upright and be asked to wait for over an hour: Something is wrong with the system here.

And so although we would like to see more doctors, for now- we just can't bear it.

So we go home, and we cook food thats hard for her to eat. And we change her diet- to simply fatten her up because now she's lost 18 pounds- a mere shadow of herself.

And we pack. When shes feeling up to it she says: "ok Chase, lets go thru the pantry". And I bring her things and she makes piles, sell, keep, colorado, california.

And she argues with me and dad about keeping her treadmill, and we worry about how to fit all the shit in the garage until we can take it to colorado, and we go to see the new apartment, and Carter and Nikky come over and cook and make a mess of the kitchen. And Irma comes and cleans up after all of us.

And we have visitors. So many wonderful visitors, some come for an hour, some come for the day, some even spend the night. Sweet Angela Foster stayed for a week. Some bring flowers or send cards or bring meals. And our dog Joey barks and licks each and every one of them.

And we pack now all the time. And there is never really a moment off. Because it's doctors, and meals, and packing and sleep.

And it's exhausting.

And it's sad, and beautiful, and powerful, and painful.

And it's real.

cuz its survival.

Each and everyday.

Just like it always is. For everyone.

And thru all this, we hold together tight

and we fucking handle this,

because we have to

and we remain,

The Carters.

OH MY GOD IT'S GOOD NEWS

Sigh gasp smile sigh gulp smile scream.

the tumors are reduced by 1/3. that's 33.33.33333333%

holy fucking terrific!!!


So we are just so so happy over here, I can't tell you.

the phone has been ringing off the hook, people stopping by the whole nine. its so great.

But there is still a lot to do before we are completely ready to celebrate.

Next week we will start the "heavy duty" chemo. the theory is, kick em while they're down. We weaken the little bastards and then hit them with the big guns and blast them to smithereens- and that just what we aim to do.

We are all really looking forward to getting her healthy and getting all this behind us, but we still have a little while to go before we get there...

For now I have got get off this computer and go get dinner on the table and get her fed (thank you gracie for cooking for us).

I will write more with all the details tomorrow. But for now, just know that all your big bad voodoo daddy vibes have worked.

so keep em comin!

thanks all

Chase

CLAUDETTE UPDATE

Hello all,

Greetings from the Carter clan. It is a overcast Sunday morning and we are all having a lazy quiet morning.

Things are going along fine here- I haven't written for a while because I wanted to have some fun little antidote for you all, but the truth is, there isn't a whole lot around here that is particularly fun or antidotal.

We wake up around 7, have our chemo pill, have breakfast about an hour later. Nap a little, shower, rest. Vitamins, protein shake, lunch, maybe a doctors visit, maybe a visitor at the house, the mail comes, we get cards and presents from all you amazing people. I do laundry, dad does dishes, Carter and Nikky make a snack from all the leftovers, around 4 the doorbell rings and Gracie or Mimi or Gail or Brett or Brad and Molly arrive with dinner for us (they are true champions that lot)... we have dinner. We rest. Perhaps a movie, still more pills, and then it's bed, and time to do it all again.

The only real thing that changes around here is how Claudette feels. Some days we wake up and her neck doesn't hurt too bad and the headache is mild. Other days not so much. And so we maintain. We rub tiger balm and put moist heat, she sits in her favorite chair, and spends a lot of time in bed. (more than she would like, she would love to be out and about, taking long walks with the dog and getting fresh air.) But we're not quite there. So we remain patient.

Tate and I and the cats moved in downstairs. I was arriving at 7am and leaving at 11pm, it just seemed easier to stay here- and Tate is my hero, cuz he just came along... he walks joey now... he's such a good man.

Dad is starting a job this week, which is a distraction that I think is well deserved. He had a fantastic art opening this weekend at the Santa Monica Museum of Art on Friday night- there was such a good turn out and his work looked really really great, I was extremely proud of him.

And finally, and this is not such a small little note. We sold the house. And in the next few months we have to move. (Ha! Thats still just about the funniest thing I have ever heard.) Before mom's diagnosis we accepted an offer on the house in Santa Monica and being that this is a shit market, and it's a good offer, we have decided to move forward. We have identified a building in Basalt to buy as an office and a studio. And on July 15th when we close on this house we will move into a house that we are going to rent for 6 months or so. Meanwhile the front apartment in my building is coming up, so we will renovate that and when that is done they will move in there.

Sound easy enough right?

Honestly its the best thing. It is long past time to downsize, and mom can lie in bed and think about moving and packing and what furniture will go where (which is her favorite thing to do) instead of wondering if some random pain in her foot is a worsening of her condition.... she is thinking about the future and getting better. Because she knows that even though we will do a good job in moving her, she knows she had better hurry up and get better, else leave the decorating to us!

As for now, we are in a waiting period. Just taking the Tarceva (the chemo) and waiting until the 29th of this month when we go in and have our big doctors appointment. We get blood work, a new cat scan, and another dose of Zometa (the bone strengthening drug).

So if you are one of the people that has offered to help or wants to help or whatever, I have a job for you:

Send your serious good vibes to us on the 29th. We need all the love and light and positivity and other new agey hocus pocus voodoo shit we can get... that scan is gonna tell us so much. With any luck the tumors will have shrunk, and in the words of Dr Natale, "if this drug works, we are home free".

So heres to freedom.

Thanks all for the support,

until next time, as always, we will remain,

the carters.

ps: I attached a sketch dad did last week.

STRANGE SIDE EFFECT

5/14/07


bizarrely,the radiation has must have been more powerful than we anticipated....

Hope you all had a nice mothers day.

We are doing just fine over here!

We go to see the doctor today, so when I have more news to report, I will.

Much love

Chase.

CHEMO ROUND ONE

Hello to all our incredibly supportive and caring friends,

Today was our first round of Chemo and I am very pleased to report that it all went remarkably well. We spent several hours at The out-patient Cancer Center at Cedars Sinai. We were there from about 8am to 5pm. We had a private room, with a TV and a DVD player and mom was in a bed (as opposed to a recliner chair which is what most chemo patients are in). It was actually, a totally pleasant experience. We watched a couple of movies in our fancy room, I did the morning shift, Dad and Nikky came for the afternoon shift... it was relatively pleasant.

And so mom actually felt better today... the side effects (if and when we get them) will happen in the next few days... hair will fall out in the next few weeks... but right now she feels great. She is as peppy and happy as I have seen her in weeks. Which, is really welcome because we had a pretty hard weekend- a lot of pain, anxiety about today, nervousness, and non stop, serious head aches. I wouldn't say that the pain as any worse than it's been for a while, it's just that the consistency is unrelenting. And THAT is the rub. Imagine- having a stiff neck and a head ache for three months straight. It's getting pretty old, and she has just about had enough.

That being said, as I write this now, she is sitting up with Dad, Carter and Nikky, not in pain, and downright agreeable. We are enjoying tonight.

One thing I want to tell you all, because a lot have people have been asking, is that we ARE seeing a nutritionist, and we are on tons of supplements and she IS doing a protein shake. She is also seeing a acupuncturist several times a week. Dr Ha is his name. We love Dr Ha. He is a Chinese acupuncturist that is amazing- he makes mom feel so much better. He is like a human fortune cookie- he says the greatest things that make us smile...

The main thing that we are dealing with right now is that her neck still hurts like a mother fucker. And it's not just her neck. The stiff neck causes a headache, and so she gets in bed to relieve the headache and she gets a stiff back and then she tries to take a walk to relive the back and that makes her headache worse, and it goes on and on and on, and all she can do, literally, is stay in bed. And, if you know my mom, you can imagine why that just doesn't work for her. And so, it's painful, and obviously frustrating.

Her further frustration is, that she wants to get physical therapy, because, before the cancer diagnosis PT (Physical Therapy) was the only thing that gave her any relief. But since we discovered the tumor, we have not been (at doctors advising) doing PT. Claudette is (as many of you know she can be) CONVINCED that PT will help and she will tell just about any doctor or nurse she can get her hands on all about how right she is and how wrong all her doctors are. (which they probably are but I tend to agree with the people with degrees...)

But Claudette, as she always has, knows what is best for herself- and I am pretty sure that she will get her way in the end- even if we have smack a few doctors around to do so.

But thats what we love about her isn't it?

Other than all of that- the move is on- we have one of 11 rooms packed. Good god. Angela Foster is coming this week and I am looking forward to giving Dad and I some quiet time before the real shit hits the proverbial fan. Tate, the cats and I are moving back home for now- and hopefully mom will be strong enough, soon enough so we don't have to move back in. (not that its bad here, but home is always home).

And so.

We will keep you posted- people always say cancer sucks, it's brutal and long, it's a fight, and you have your good days and your bad days.

And I guess I never knew what that meant. I mean, how could I? But its true. All of it.

But the support helps. And we know the treatment is working now, and that helps. And the good days help, and so does all your friendship.

So thank you.

Till next time,

as you already know,

we will remain,

The Carters.

ps- Attached is what dad made this week.