MID SEPTEMBER UPDATE

Hello Team Carter,

Well- here we are mid september, not quite "coasting along" as our doctor originally had us hoping we might. He told us by now we might even be cancer free.

Not so much. I would say by all accounts we are pretty much doing the opposite of that. Things are pretty tough around here. Mom is suffering pretty much all day long.

Everything is an effort, and while thank god she is out of pain (the neck pain has finally started to lift thanks, we think, to the botox injection), she is almost always uncomfortable.

And it's tough to watch. It's tough to see such a vibrant woman so depleted.

She got her first dose of Alimta- the second line chemo, and it seems to be going well. She was tired for a few days- but compared to the last chemo it is very very mild- which was a welcome change. So we have decided that after the next chemo- on Oct 8th we are going to make a family trip to Colorado.

We put a deposit down on an RV and we are Team Cartering it out to Basalt. Carter and Nikky are taking off work, Tate and I are in, Mom and Dad, Joey the dog and Pete and Sally the cats are loading in and heading off to Colorado for two weeks.

There are some potential obstacles- breathing/ oxygen, driving for 18 hours (RV time), nervousness of travel, ect. But mostly we are hoping to get a little Colorado fall in before it gets too cold and see some beautiful nature- plus, it is time to get the hell out of LA.

Speaking of which, most of you know that Tate and I went out of town- we went to NY for a wedding, and then we were on our way to Ireland when we got a phone call that Tate's mom was in the hospital with a heart attach of all things. So we redirected our journey and went to Indiana for a week. (hey, at least they both start with an "I") His mother IS FINE, and I am happy to report she was out of the hospital in just a few days and is already back to normal.... thank god. But it was a staggering blow to again have to cancel our Ireland trip. I suppose it just wasn't meant to be right now. Maybe 2008. We'll see.

It was wonderful to come home and be with mom. And to see her progress. Which she is making lots of, but it is brutally slow. Most noticeably in her vision- she no longer sees double and doesn't need a patch on her eye, her walking and standing have improved. Her swallowing is better, and she still has an appetite that would make a competitive eater jealous.

And so.

I so wish there was something I could do to make this all go away. Some universal reset button that could bring my mom back to the way she was- revive her former glory. But i think that's gone. And I'm not sure she will really ever be the same, which is a tough pill to swallow.

But god damn what a gift it is to be this close with my family- how precious it is to have all of us together all the time.... Mom is suffering- but she is covered, more than she has ever been.

and that, is the best part of all of this.

so.

with love and warmth and so much radiating light,

we remain always

Team Carter

THIS ONE SUCKS

i haven't written in a while.

and that is because i haven't wanted to give you bad news. But unfortunately i have some.

The chemo has stopped working. And the tumor in her lung has begun growing again.

Which means that we have to kinda start over as far as treatment is concerned. We are stopping the Tarceva, and on the 11th, after the Tarceva is out of her system, she will begin a new Chemo- a much milder one called Alimta. This chemo has decent results, although they will be temporary.

And so.

We are getting a second opinion at the City of Hope, an excellent hospital in Pasadena. And we are staying positive. She continues to improve daily from the stroke, but now that she is not on any chemo, her cough has gotten worse, and her breathing is difficult and short.

And so.

This is, as you know, really fucking shitty news. And it just feels like the universe is kicking us when we are down. Which sucks. But again- staying positive in the face of total crap does wonders for the mood.

And so.

Mom is really suffering. Everything is so god damned difficult for her. Everything from breathing, to drinking, to going to the bathroom all present so many difficulties. She is, in many ways, living what most of us would consider to be our worst nightmare. And yet somehow she is doing it with grace, style and even a little humor. Highlights include daily outings when we walk the dog, go the beach... just simply get outside. She still has a pretty rigorous physical therapy schedule- with 3 hours a day 3 days a week. And the progress is visible.

This news is particularly hard to take because our M.O. has been, get thru the stroke, and then finish beating the cancer... and to get bad news hits mom in the last place she needs to be weakened and that is her morale.

and so.

life rushes on all around us and Team Carter has realized, perhaps for the first time that our landscape has been changed forever. And that this is the world we will be living in, for quite some time to come.

Thank you all for all your continued support and love

My mother is the bravest woman I have ever met- and this fight is one for the books. Truly.

Much love always,

and until next time,

We will remain,

Team Carter